Life's Little Mysteries

Let’s get something straight right off the bat. The new scene in music which happens to be a big group of fucktards that have no idea what they are doing, is complete shit. I mean, am I the only one who thinks that the best music of all time came out of the 70’s? Seriously, I don’t care if this offends your ignorant modernist views of music. That’s what I’m trying to do so you can learn to listen to things that aren’t a bunch of brain deads screaming to a rhythm of their drunk and completely untalented drummer.

Music used to be something of substance. Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Doors, the list goes on and on. Music used to inspire, it used to drive people. It used to teach people that it doesn’t matter if there’s a purpose or not. It used to be music. Nowadays, I can’t even call it music. How is hearing about Lady Gaga’s lady reproductive organs considered music? No one wants to hear about all of the chicks you’ve fucked, or how many men you’ve seduced, or even how much money you have in the bank. People want a song they can relate to, lyrics that have meaning and a sound that is like no other. Something memorable.

To this day I refuse to listen to Lady Gaga and all of her fellow incompetent “artists.” It’s an insult to everyone from Frank Sinatra to Jimmy Page. An artist is someone who creates something magnificent in their mind and has the ability to show that to others. Artists are those that inspire. An artist is not someone who takes off their clothes to entice the paparazzi. There don’t seem to be many artists these days, maybe we really are destroying our generation… one Lady Gaga at a time.

Marshal and I decided to go to the boardwalk yesterday. We were at home and I wanted to get out of the house. Marshal, of course, wanted to stay home in his boxers. But, i’m rather good at convincing him : )

So, we go to the boardwalk. Go into Wet Seal first. I got a pair of flip flops and a necklace.Then we go to Earthbound (our favorite store) and I got a purse, t shirt, another necklace, and some in scents. Marshal got a cool rock that changes colors and can be hooked up to a computer. It was pretty cool. Then we went to Rue 21. We both got a new outfit. In between stores we stopped and got a strawberry snow cone. : D

So, after the boardwalk, we went back home and ordered some Domino’s. Then we stayed in for the rest of the night, watched a few movies, and surfed the web for a bit. Marshal has work today :/ Today is my last day off before Sunday.

Here are the things that I did on my last day off:

—Went to the Social Security Office (My bank needed me to verify my Social Security number. And since a Social Security Card and I.D. aren’t enough I had to go to this place and wait in line for a letter.)

—Took the letter to the bank.

—Went to take Micheal job hunting (because I promised Thomas I would, unfortunately.)

—Went to Shreveport and bought lunch for Marshal and I

—Came to Marshal’s work and ate lunch with him

I am currently sitting at Marshal’s desk typing this while he talks to a customer. I can’t wait to be home with nothing to care about.

Worked last night until 10:30. Came home, put on my zeppelin tee, and hung out with him. Made me feel a little better. Work sucked. Made a few mistakes and had to deal with a bunch of incompetent ass holes who think the entire world revolves around them and everyone is there to serve them.

FYI, even though i’m here to take your order and bring you your food, I have a life! And sitting here listening to you bitch about your food being done in the alotted time you gave doesn’t really make me any more motivated to please you. I was swamped all night and there was only one person who seemed to understand that people get busy and can’t do everything at once!

I’m glad i’m off for the next two days. Today consists of house work, house work, and a bit more house work. Going to whataburger soon to get lunch. Haven’t had a burger in a while and i’m craving one! Marshal’s still asleep, or I wouldn’t be going to whataburger. He’d tell me to make a salad or something at home. But ya know what, i’ve been eating healthy at this house all week, I had a bad night last night, and I just want a fucking burger. So, that’s what i’ll get.

It’s too damn hot outside. It may just be me, but I can’t wait for winter. Snow is gorgeous, I don’t have to walk through town all day and see half naked women… and men. And I don’t have to reapply my deoderant twice a day cause i’m sweating so much.

Can’t wait till Christmas, my favorite holiday. Everything seems simpler during Christmas, like what is supposed to matter, does.

Anyways, I gotta go do laundry. Needed to vent/ramble for a bit. Thanks if you read it.

—-Hilary.

I feel like i’m idling. Life, up to this point, seems very dim. I haven’t accomplished what i’ve wanted to, i’ve let others get in the way of my success, my priorities are all out of wack, I ultimatley feel like i’ve failed.

Besides school, life has had its ups and downs. Marshal and I finally found a place, we are super excited to be on our own. But, i’m still kind of adjusting to it. I no longer have a parents house that I can run to when things get hard, I no longer have a mom here to cook, clean, and do laundry for me. It’s all up to us. I’ll admit, it’s scary. The first week that we moved in, i’m very ashamed to admit this, I kept trying to find a reason to leave the house. I didn’t feel like it was home and I was scared. I kept thinking that there were assassins or some shit in the trees outside. I kept hearing strange things in the middle of the night, which of course I made Marshal go check out. It just didn’t feel like home to me. Granted, the last “home” I had was Marshal’s house. I still felt the whole “i miss my mommy” thing. In that time, I was being forced to grow up. Something that hasn’t happened in quite some time.

After being here that first week, things got better. I got a job and started working 5 days a week, while Marshal did the same. I got unpacked, something Marshal is still working on, lol. Damn star wars collector. But other than that, everything’s pretty swell at home. I still have to get used to coming home to the house the same way I left it in the morning. I still have to get used to having an emense amount of laundry, even though I just did three loads the night before. I still have to get used to this being two people’s territory, not mine. And annoying enough as it seems, I still have to get used to the dozens of calls I recieve everyday from Mom & Dad just to making sure everything is ok.

As far as my relationship goes… I love him. Our relationship has stemed past the honeymoon stage at this point, and we are comfortable with each other. Actually, I’m more comfortable about him than I am around my family, for some reason or other. Just some advice to those who haven’t had a relationship that lasted to this point: you will be amazed at how much you are willing to do around your boyfriend. Self conciousness really does go out the window all together. We know each other’s flaws, we know each other’s boundaries and dislikes, we know each other. We get into little spats regularly, but that’s usually only around one particular time of the month. All that I can say, is we’ve built a life around each other. We may have done it too quickly, we may be headed for some rough waters in the future, but all I can say is I love him and I don’t regret a second of it. Marshal has taught me a lot about life and has shown me pieces of myself that I never knew exsisted. He is my best friend before anything else, and I’m glad that I get to spend every day with him.

Starting college in the fall. I’m nervous, but what’s new? I still haven’t found out about TOPS yet. But I’m sure I’ll get it, if not, hello student loans. I’m registering for LSUS towards the end of July. I go up there for a day and go through orientation, a tour, and then register for my classes. My chosen major is Psychology. I plan on getting my masters and looking into jobs for Experimental Psychologists. While working I plan to work on getting my PhD.

Now the only thing I have to do is figure out how to entertwine my school and work schedules. Should be fun!

Last night was a weird night that I felt needed mentioning. Marshal and I were on the couch watching Goodburger, and I was drifting to sleep while he was already there. The next thing I know it’s 5:30 in the morning, I wake up asleep, fully clothed in the bed. I get up and Marshal is awake and getting ready to go to bed. I had no recollection of how I got to the bed and neither does Marshal. He said I was there one minute, and I disappeared the next. Weird.

Pity, take pity on me.
‘Cause I’m not half the man that I should be.
Always turning to run,
from the people I should not be afraid of.

And darling, you should know
that I have fantasies about being alone.
It’s like love is a lesson,
that I can’t learn.
I make the same mistakes at each familiar turn.

I know you can’t hold out forever
waiting on a diamond and a tether
from a boy who won’t swim
but who will dip his toe in
just to keep you here with him.

I’ve got this habit I abhor.
When we go out I’m always watching the door.
‘cause if there’s someone I’m gonna see
who could outdo the things you do to me.

And I know you can’t hold out forever
waiting on a diamond and a tether
from a boy who won’t fly
but who will take to the skies if he thinks you are about to say goodbye.

Pity, take pity on me.
‘cause I’m not half the man that I should be.
And I don’t blame you,
you’ve had enough,
of all these empty promises and countless bluffs.

‘cause I know you can’t hold out forever
waiting on a diamond and a tether
from a boy who won’t jump when he falls in love.
He just stands with his toes on the edge
and he waits for it to disappear again.